My real name

new times divide the friends we once held dear

triangles are weird and statements are flawed meta.

When had all these rules been established, how had we known to ask one another permission?

He was close and she was his closest friend.

With both of them sharing- there feelings were left to others.

When they were young they wrote to one another, when they were some of another class, they said they

would never have the chance to be together.

Amidst another friendship, desire was placed first-

desire called at night and left messages

when you don’t answer, the late night will be followed with close observations-

he said she didn’t matter, not anymore, not because she was bad just because he was done-

he wanted more desire and its abandoned forethought.

He said he didn’t care and she made him care, she found her way deep into his heart and placed me there to infect and oxidize the living desire-

to not be with her was emotionally depleting, she said she would see me later, and

this time the end will be my doing to leave you alone and that’s better because feelings for someone your not allowed to love feels wrong for a good reason.

She told me in the end, it would end sloppy.

My desire persisted and it made me sad, that to feel closer it would take letting go first.

Worshiping- of the present and how we never came so close,

as in the end of the beginning.

with just a look we were,

alone and free to be the one thing that was meant and the other-

she told me to do so much

told me it was the end of the line, and since there was nothing to lose,

she told me to be her surrogate-

it makes me mad , it makes me laugh

my position was my role, and to exceed my necessity would be presumptuous

delusions of purging the sense of self preservation

can it be made aware that the far reaches are part of the equation.

She said hold me when she was cold, and when we walked in she held out her arm to simulate our copulation.

There is a time when you don’t know what it is.

It’s all the times-

when caring for too many,

has destroyed you and left you alone.

because

There’s a time when your mistakes are just mistakes.

Even when we never want to die, death has come to us in many ways.

&…

Love is, a rather unusual feeling, to express in a time when you haven’t a clue what it is.

It’s the first time… your kiss- tells the story for a memory’s lifetime never to be compared to the last-

as if, our hearts are sometimes big enough to over love.

Youth is the only criminal in breaking hearts,

because of all sins-

making someone heartbroken is a burden to carry.

&

Ring it up- on the phone with you

can’t act different

your sometimes foolish,

are you not,

when assumptions are made and

as if there’s no use

and no

re view being made, your

false

and always failing, so-

act, a fool

Dear Alaska,

You told me you were far away, you told me it wasn’t the same, you told me it wasn’t what it used to be.

One day you won’t be in the “so far away”.

One day, my path will catch up to yours, but your footsteps will remind me you were only there-

You told me a long time ago to “let go”,

and its been lost since you said that.

My imagination runs wild,

my reasoning is pretty vacant,

and so it amuses me to think your stuck in my mind

in my memories and

you aren’t who it was you were

this is something different.

When did we start talking to one another? It was months ago-

Well its been years now and your still there,

-you tell me who’s right and who’s not “so my type”, you tell me to remember

and our time can never be forgotten

what you taught me, what you told me-

was what was given to you, & was granted to me in passing.

To be without you is like a loss of words.

To be caught without words to describe the thoughts in your head, is-

Ravaging my heart.

Loneliness has no cure; the all encompassing void, the nothing.

Seconds tic-tok, tic-tok ,…

Back and forth and ever so slowly, regression back to forward and time is slowing down.

A convection current of slowness, progressing only by sucking you back-

Into the same regressive cycle of thought.

You are away,

You are not here to love and caress,

If it were any other reason-

The will to live would be lost.

To be with you is to know to love.
To be without you is to love and yearn-

To yearn to love you is to desire your affection,

To be affectionate when your not here is to have the words to love you.

dear Alaska,

it’s taken too long to leave the subtropics

my skin yearns to feel the cool chill of the evening night

my blood’s warm with your withdrawal

all the circumstances tell me you’ve forgotten who we used to be

wars,

we fought them-

all internal conflicts and

struggles for power, make me wish you were here-

year after year- it’s becoming more futile to struggle

one day my promise will be kept-

for you, for justice, for what’s in my words are more than

defining terms,

voice trembles with soul

lust, anger and passion drive me insane,

Alaska your so far

my every step forward distracts our reunion

is it too late to be on time-

She rubbed her lips. “You need to know why women are silent,” she said. “you need to know why Heaven refuses to give light and the stars refuse to shine. You need to know that it takes to make a thang go right, and that a woman is something that pays ten cents for a cup of coffee to sit at a lunch counter and blow smoke in men’s faces.This and more you need to know.”

-Ricardo Cortez Cruz

 Too much of the bad and the not so pretty can make you prefer the beautiful.

sometimes the best thing about getting burned is never letting it happen again- amongst turmoil one always feels engulfed within its waves cresting upon us- and the rapid recycled energy has a way of-

being repetitive, but in the end an intrigue for the new and the unknown is the catalyst for diminishing a bad memory.

 when last we talked it wasn’t good-

and much can’t be said, other than…

your not the same person you used to be-

it is all different.

but what did you think-

where are we now and where were we then!

yes- it was so different and it seems,

so…long, ago- has time stopped?

No its sped up.

too many memories reflect this.

the yarn will soon unravel its self-

does it have to be this way-

It isn’t any other way.

-all this time what happened?

Time passed and turned into the past ,

your so young but time is getting old-

make it work-

sides had to be taken,

one or the other &-

another time was long gone,

a feeling of being chased made me turn-

the side of the building gave me a chance to catch my breath

but thoughts were racing, and they were scattered in my head-

make friends with your enemies?

it’s hard.

And,… you just might be there to see them fall apart.

It was luck that today was in my present

-years had passed

-to see judgment passed,

Thinketh thee- poised to be humble?

Sincerity has a way of being lost in sentiments and translated to greed.

-greed was green and the number was four,

because every time we made love

there were four people present,

at least in thought.

one can get lost

In reality

she said

kiss me

and its the best kiss

just that one kiss that time- then time-

stopped us from doing anything

just kissing and it’s the beginning

Time is in-front of us, with that wet juicy kiss, holding us still

time goes by and the kiss is shorter,

-its anonymous in the beginning.

She said kiss me one more time and

its not over when your lost in a kiss

remembering kissing is forever,

those lips that parted mine and slowly made me lose time-

act natural,

you took better care of me than yourself,

Not bad,

-don’t be sad,

hinder should not be between us.

Sorry, if I made you feel bad.

-I’m scared,

about, the- Future,

that way is selfish,

-selfish is a human word,

describes only an internal complex idea,

subject to change,

reason is my shield.

Reflection is used,

and reflection is different at times

-take care of self before me

but you take care of me more,

-because I’m taken care of-

These times are the best.

-Indeed.

sometimes the best thing about getting burned is never letting it happen again- amongst turmoil one always feels engulfed within its waves cresting upon us- and the rapid recycled energy has a way of…

being repetitive, but in the end an intrigue for the new and the unknown is the catalyst for diminishing a bad memory