time, was leaving me behind-
What else could happen,
we hadn’t seen it all- hadn’t seen the truth and it was a ways off.
Now and then, the beginning can be reminisced upon and when you don’t know is one thing but then again in the end it means something too.
It was real to feel the first rush, it’s never enough later on and then even later
it all becomes harder to see the glow around people and my light isn’t dark it just isn’t bright.
In the night the lights shine brighter and the real thing is to be submerged in darkness because during the day is not where it all comes from. The dark- Matter of facts depend, it is a bit amazing even a bit peculiar to think any answers that anyone prepossess is accurate.
time, Deconstruction- told me, let objects go, reserving beliefs for their doubts.
As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.
Thinking of beginnings and how beautiful things start
It dawned on me- how ugly, would this end.
Leaning toward getting some more, brought the reoccurring thought of the end- of death, and how the void was engulfing me wrapping itself around my essence. It was far too late, at any point now it will definitely be consuming, it will be the void that consumes, with its lack of essence- and the mystery can only be cured- once again into the fire, with arms wide opened my embrace held me, comfort warm, and self gratifying.
Looking into the nothing it was a long time, since the darkness crept out of its self and showed me the reflection of my face. It was a hallucination that brought me to know that it was my own self that had agreed to play games with my perception- the darkness is me and the void looks back and smiles because knowing was half understanding.
So long agony and despair with just myself- with my illusions my hallucinations must occur.
first times and last times
the mathematics are obvious
more than once is
-anyone can go to the future, but only a precious few go to the past.
I don’t believe in secrets she said softly,
and I believed her,
a long time a go a friend was lost to me,
a long time ago a friend of mine took away my passion for possession-
yes yes, the lesson is learned you really can never possess anything,
but in that parallax there lies the constant of the opposite and mere real possibility of its occurance.
-my memory isn’t what it used to be and the only exercise to help me is putting their faces with their names, and it isn’t reasonable not to remember all their names. Video taping them all or photographing them would help but my memory isn’t what it used to be, it’s a matter of desire.
They were all nameless to me- all except for a few and they were the ones that forgot my name.
I can receive nothing more from these tragic solitudes than a little empty purity.
When you live alone you no longer know what it is to tell something:the plausible disappears at the same time as the friends.
my interactions were initiated by me, it was the only way to determine how the individual would respond. They would have never come to me for all these people who with all their problems reflected the misshapen tree that had become of my life.
being evil was a search for true benevolence,
all my freedom was bought with credit, my time was my way
-you can’t get away with this,
remember, it’s only a matter of time
where will you run to ?
-the boss says its OK, that’s me
why would you do that to yourself,
-your freedom was bought on credit
breaking even seems like a gamblers nightmare
My history is locked within the still life of my coiled flesh, and if I move, it all comes spilling out.
MM book III
new times divide the friends we once held dear
triangles are weird and statements are flawed meta.
When had all these rules been established, how had we known to ask one another permission?
He was close and she was his closest friend.
With both of them sharing- there feelings were left to others.
When they were young they wrote to one another, when they were some of another class, they said they
would never have the chance to be together.
Amidst another friendship, desire was placed first-
desire called at night and left messages
when you don’t answer, the late night will be followed with close observations-
he said she didn’t matter, not anymore, not because she was bad just because he was done-
he wanted more desire and its abandoned forethought.
He said he didn’t care and she made him care, she found her way deep into his heart and placed me there to infect and oxidize the living desire-
to not be with her was emotionally depleting, she said she would see me later, and
this time the end will be my doing to leave you alone and that’s better because feelings for someone your not allowed to love feels wrong for a good reason.
She told me in the end, it would end sloppy.
My desire persisted and it made me sad, that to feel closer it would take letting go first.
Worshiping- of the present and how we never came so close,
as in the end of the beginning.
helps you to determine what
to do with your life, when you
are undecided about which
path to takewild